The Lycra pants that stayed in the 80’s…

The 80’s was a decade full of Lycra-clad, make up wearing men with an assortment of hairstyling issues and addictions to hairspray, mousse and gel. Women loved it. So, if Lycra was such an aphrodisiac, why don’t we see it anymore?

I’m not saying that if my husband came home dressed in Lycra pants that I would fall at his feet…well, I would actually…with laughter.

The strange thing is that it didn’t matter what genre of music these men belonged to- they all had the same ‘style’, (I use that term generously).

Look at Wham! Two grown men with a full time hairstylist and waxed eyebrows, which heralded a new age for men in relation to their body hair. They bounced around with endless energy, fluoro lips, fingerless gloves and crop-topped t-shirts. Do you see any men in 2013 wearing crop tops? No, and there’s a very good reason- it will cause permanent retinal scarring to delicate eyeballs.

Billy Idol was peroxided to oblivion and gelled to the point of petrifaction. There was no mistaking him for anything other than a hot blooded, sex fuelled male. And why did we like him? Um…I’m not really sure. I was never into Billy Idol. But he wore Lycra pants, eyeshadow and lippie and was a chick magnet.

Uncanny X-men – only known in Australia, where Brian Mannix managed to turn himself into a sex symbol, despite having to stand on a chair to reach the microphone. His hair was so spiky that it could attract a Porcupine for a mating ritual, his eyes were drowned in black eyeliner, (not in an Alice Cooper, demon-rock god kind of way), and his Lycra pants were topped off with ripped t-shirts and studded belts. My best friend and I were so in love with him, but neither of has the capacity to explain it now.

David Lee Roth – if any man could wear hot pink, gold lame, sequined Lycra pants with the stars and stripes emblazoned across his crotch, it was this man. With hair that carried so much static electricity that he could have powered Las Vegas for a week, a pout to (almost) rival that of Steven Tyler, and perfectly arched eyebrows (and let’s not forget those sculptured abs), Diamond Dave had women, literally, crawling over him.

And if Diamond Dave was the pretty boy of rock, Twisted Sister had to be the ugly cousin, which was their intention. After falling out of the ugly tree and hitting every branch on the way down, this group was a marriage of RuPaul and swamp dwelling Troll. Yeah…bad example of sexy 80’s Lycra wearing men.

My question is – did they wear undies underneath, because there never seemed to be any visible panty line. Were they ahead of their time and wore G-strings? Surely they didn’t go commando because certain parts of those Lycra pants would have kept dancing long after the rest of the body had stopped.

Mick Jagger also got in on the Lycra and makeup, as did Def Leppard, Poison, Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, Aerosmith and Prince.

My other question is – if fashion continues in its cycle, and we’ve already seen the return of Wedges, knee high boots, bootleg jeans, skinny leg jeans, navy themes and sunglasses that double as welding goggles, when will Lycra make a reappearance? Will it be full length Lycra pants, like all the men above, or bike shorts, ala Milli Vanilli? If any of you know the ETA of Lycra pants, please let me know. I’ve got a husband the size of a League footballer and finding his size may take me a while.

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2 thoughts on “The Lycra pants that stayed in the 80’s…

  1. kerriepaterson says:

    Confession time – I was also a huge Brian Mannix fan – and no, I can’t explain it now either 🙂 I remember swooning every time he sang Fifty Years.

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