A few months ago I posted a blog (The Daddy Factor) about my husband taking our three older boys out to lunch in a food court and how three elderly ladies felt the need to tell him that the boys were exceptionally well behaved. Then they said to him: “It’s great to see how well behaved your boys are. Please pass onto your wife that she’s done an excellent job.”
Well, after last week’s effort, I hate to think what they would have said to him, and am positive that they would not have passed their compliments on to me. In fact, I am pretty sure that they would have been ringing Child Services and reporting us…but let’s start at the beginning…
We are big fans of the show, The Big Bang Theory, in fact, our ten year old can quote episodes verbatim and our eight year old bares a remarkable resemblance to Sheldon (both physically and emotionally).
Fellow fans may remember the episode where Raj attempts to imitate American sayings, but gets it wrong and comes out with a mish-mash of quotes that don’t make sense. Well, apparently our six year old, Lachlan, was paying more attention to that particular episode than we thought.
While at a food court, eating lunch, the boys were reminiscing about their favourite sayings from the show. Lachlan joined in and said, that the top of his voice, while waving his sandwich around in his little hand,
“Hey, remember when Raj said: IN YOUR ARSE!”
Of course, the entire food court heard him and turned their stunned faces in the direction of Jason, who was now choking on his lunch. The two older boys were as stunned as the rest of the food court population, while Lachlan, oblivious to his blunder, was smiling and dancing.
The eight year old pointed out that Lachlan had gotten it wrong. Raj had actually said: “Shut Your Arse!”, meaning to say “Shut up”.
Jason pointed out that in either case, it was not appropriate language for children and they shouldn’t say it again. Especially in a large public space, like a food court.
Fast track one hour later – Jason and the boys are happily ensconced in their seats at the movie theatre, waiting for the main feature to start.
A young child, sitting with his family in the same row, had been talking through the trailers, but no one cared because he only looked to be about four years old. We’ve all got to start somewhere, right?
As the main feature started, the small child continued to chat, even though his parents had tried to shush him. We all know it’s impossible to tell a small one to be quiet when he has something to say.
Lachlan, however, thought otherwise. He leant forward in his seat, turned toward the child and said, loudly:
“Shut your arse!”
Yep, you read correctly. Our six year old told another child to shut his arse. In perfect context. Perfect timing. Not in a busy food court, but in a quietened movie theatre where everyone could hear.
Jason was stunned into silence, as were the older boys – especially our ten year old, Ethan, who was sitting next to the mother of the other child. Ethan chose to let the backrest of the seat swallow him whole as he disappeared into the tweedy upholstery. All that remained were to enormous, shocked blue eyeballs that were bulging out of his head in an attempt not to laugh, mixed with utter shock at what Lachlan had done, and fear that the mother would blame him.
Jason and his rugby player physique joined Ethan and made himself as small as a 100kg man can be, as he too disappeared into the manky upholstery of the seat.
And me? I wiped tears away from my eyes in hysterics, as this was relayed to me later that afternoon. I was at home writing at the time, so missed out (for once) on the public humiliation that comes wrapped in the gorgeous bubble that is my six year old, Lachlan.
But, the next time his teacher tells me that he is having trouble comprehending things at school, I will be able to tell her otherwise!