About a year ago I did a blog on Vajazzing- the art of making your hoo-haa pretty. Who would have thought that it would be consistently the most viewed post on my entire blog?
The Vajazzling post has received six times the views of its closest competitor, I Need it Hot and Sweaty Every week, without fail, it is the top performer.
Seeing as writing about genitals gets me far more views than anything else I’ve written, it’s time to explore the genital factor a little more.
So, to continue in the series of making or genitals more attractive, I thought it was about time to do a blog on the boy version – Penazzling.
Warning – This post contains censored photos of Penazzling – a decorated penis. If you are under the age of 18 or are offended by penises, please don’t continue reading…
Just like a lady getting a Brazillian waxing to kick off the beautification process – something that requires a higher tolerance to pain than child birth (and at least the doctors give you loads of drugs for birthing), the men too must undergo a complete waxing.
But it’s not called a Brazillian for men. It’s called a BOYZILLIAN.
Here is the G-rated version of what’s involved in a Boyzillian.
Just in case you didn’t quite get it from the above pictures, Boyzillians.com has described the process as a waxing of the Bikini line (although it should state ‘Mankini’), shaft, perineum, scrotum, groin, crack and buttocks.
Are you farking kidding me? My husband just about vomits and passes out when one our boys hits him in the nuts, so what kind of emergency medical aid has to be administered to the men who undertake the Boyzillian?
Are they just handed their broken and swollen testicles back when they leave the salon? Perhaps contained in a human organ esky so they can go to the local hospital and have them reattached?
The advantages of ripping your pubic hairs out by the root include:
- A neater, cleaner undercarriage,
- Making your penis look larger by clearing away the undergrowth (yeah, let’s go with that),
- Is more attractive to women (yeah, if you say so)…
If that isn’t enough for you, your bald as a badger balls and penis can now be decorated.
You could go for the Disco look of 1978…
Thanks to Richard Simmons for acting as a censor. The sacrifice of throwing yourself in the way of a bejewelled penis for the sake of decorum is duly noted and appreciated.
Thanks Bare Beauty for this pic
I’d have to wonder what kind of creature is living in this man’s groin if it leaves luminous green footprints in its wake…
The Italian Stallion…
The one hung low, two hung high look…
Of course, if Penazzling isn’t enough for you, if you’re a little jaded with the skin tone of your dude, or discolouration / pigmentation has got you down, then perhaps penis and scrotum bleaching is for you.
Just as some women bleach the skin of their girly bits to keep them pink and fresh, men can also keep their bits…pink and fresh… Not only can you bleach them, but you can also dye them a particular hue.
If applying corrosive chemicals to your genitals doesn’t phase you- because remember, that’s what bleach is- then you may also want to dye your pubes. A nice iridescent pink or green- nature’s own colours- may be just what you’re after.
We could go on to discuss piercings, but….I really don’t want to.
So, thanks boys for caring enough about the ascetics of your nethers to put yourself though all kinds of penal torture.