There are things in life that I don’t understand. Odd things. Not the type that keep me awake at night, but rather the kind that pop into my mind at inopportune times, like when I’m supposed to be engrossed in a serious conversation with my supervisor, or listening to a customer’s complaint. And once the question has arisen it’s like trying to deny a tinea infection not to seek answers. But believe me, only kindred spirits understand my queries. Others look at me with a mixture of pity and fear, as though I am a poor crazy, blonde lady holding a carving knife, humming the Psycho tune.
So here’s my list so far:
1. Flightless birds – what’s the use? If I was reborn as a flightless bird, I’d be pissed as hell that those wings don’t actually function. What are they, optional extras? It’s like fish that don’t swim, or a bald sheep. They must feel so ripped off when they look around at all the other birds taking off, slip streaming, flying off into the sunset, shitting on things from a great height. The worst thing would have to be migration. Everyone knows that flying is the quickest way. Those poor bastards having to walk every year…
2. Occasional furniture – what is it the rest of the time? Isn’t it a coffee table or hat stand all the time?
3. Luxury 4WD’s – like the Cayanne and X5. As if it’s ever going off road.
4. Illustrated signs in public toilets that tell us how NOT to sit on a toilet seat. Cultural differences aside, really, don’t we all shit the same way?
5. Chuppa Chup wrappers – when’s the last time you tried to unwrap a Chuppa Chup? They haven’t evolved in over 35 years. My kids love Chuppa Chups but I had to stop buying them because it was humiliating having to use a knife to open it. It took me longer to open the bloody thing than it did for my kid to suck it to death.
Like I said, these questions don’t prevent me from falling asleep at night, but they do provide mental fodder for me at times when my brain could be put to more constructive and practical uses. But then again, most of my close friends are like thinkers. Perhaps it’s our way of finding each other?